Sometimes it's hard to remember that new places are fun and exciting.

Single digits=The number of days which I will live in Orlando not including the days I will be in NY next week.

I wish there were more days. And I wish I was enjoying them with my bike (it got stolen a couple weeks ago...). And I wish my roomie was around. And several million other things. Moving is extremely stressful. Surprise surprise. On Monday I am going to New York to try and find a place to live. It's going to be horrible. Everything will be too much money and logistically way too complicated. I will be stressed out and probably cry, even if I do a lot of yoga and remember to take deep breaths.

Here's hoping that despite all the madness, I find a place and I can come back and enjoy my final week (without this nasty-ass black cloud hanging over my head) in this city which, surprisingly, has come to feel pretty homey.

I wrote an essay. And Saudi women can't play sports.

Hey ho. A little while back, after my most recent trip to Dubai, I wrote this essay about civil rights in the Middle East, and it has won a prize in a contest. Check it out, yo.

HAMSA 2008 Essay Winners

On a similar note, check this out. A little more peachy info about women's rights. Saudi and Emirati women aren't allowed to compete in the Olympics...

HAMSA report on Saudi and Emirati women
Saudi women and the BBC


Sigh.

Changes Pt. 2

Today I rode my bike.

Now I am happier.

I started a new job yesterday. On my birthday. When the day was over I felt like this:

photo by Tiina Treasure

But in a good way. Don't be sad. There are worse ways to spend a birthday. And worse ways to feel than really freakin tired. It did, however, occur to me that I could potentially spend the next five weeks of my life being a little more sleepy than I would like.

That was yesterday. Today it has dawned on me that I actually feel better than I have in a long time. Healthy-like. Tired, aching muscles and all. This isn't the lethargic tired I'm used to; it's an I worked a long day and am actually tired tired. It's almost 10pm now. I got up at 7 and spent all day on set. Usually by this time my nuerons are snail-paced, my immuno-suppressed and nutrient-deprived body practically immobile. I've been exhausted for months. But I can deal with exhausted--especially if I'm actually well. So I'm renewing my goals for the summer. (Whoa.) I had this whole "Florida Bucket List" of things I wanted to do before I vacated the state, but those aren't the ones I mean. I mean these three. The three I thought I might have to give up to take this job.
1)Finish a draft of my feature script.
2)Shoot a movie (even if it's uber-short).
3)Finish the canvas that's hanging been hanging out in my bedroom for...well awhile.

God. I better get to work.

Changes.

Today I got my bike fixed. I like bikes. Practically and aesthetically.

I should be happier.

The library is Satan and I am Jesus in the desert.

Not really. It's just that the free and ready access to "The West Wing" on DVD is well....tempting.

I am frustrated by things that make me both happy and sad at the same time. These include:
The West Wing, Drinking, Blogging, Film, My house, Orlando, New York, People, and a lot of other things.

Okay...you get the idea. I'm a freakin basket case this week. I watched the episode "Women of Qumar" today. The one in which they strike a deal to sell weapons to the fictional nation of Qumar (Re: Saudi Arabia or nation with similar women's rights status...). CJ is upset because well "They beat their women" and the US stands by and does business with them, but she has to put on a good public face. There is a moment when Toby stands in the back of the briefing room as CJ, very casually, breaks the news of the treaty. They make eye contact and Toby puts his hands over his heart. It might be my favorite moment of the whole series. It's sad and beautiful and it breaks my heart.

I was walking home from downtown last night. It was late, the bars had all just closed, and nobody wanted me to walk home by myself. There's a house, maybe a block and a half from my place, that's always hopping. Pretty much whenever I walk by there are people there--out front or hanging out on the porch. Apparently 3am is no different. There were a couple guys sitting on the porch smoking cigarettes. Their dog came running up to me and they called him back. We didn't exchange greetings or anything. I was just past the house when I heard one of the guys say (I don't know whether he intended me to hear or not) "Why is she walking by herself?"

I wanted to scream or cry or hit something. I'm not stupid, and I'll f-ing walk home if I want to.

Sometimes your friends say brilliant things.

I just wanted to share this sentence with the world. Because it makes me happy, or is wise or true or something like that...

"Sex in moderation; reading in excess."

That's it.

Technology sucks but not really.

Today, for the first time, I hate my iphone. I want my email to go away. I want my internet to go away. The distraction and temptation destroys my self-control. I’m anxious. I obsess. I worry. I long for my brain to feel like my own. I’m giving myself a headache and a stomachache. Boo hiss.

Getting to know people is hard.

That's really it.

Shit.

Alix is more coherent than usual but her spelling still sucks.

Until recently I never updated my myspace or facebook status. I could never phrase anything in a satisfyingly clever way, so I would just leave it alone. But not this week. I’m full of one sentence declaratives. Alix is in love with rhinoceros—the creature AND the way they are simultaneously singular and plural. Alix is emotionally unprepared for the Red Wings to destroy los penguinos; she’ll cry if it happens. Alix wishes the graffiti in the Backbooth bathroom read “Chris Harris is a god” and not “Chris Harris is a dick.” Alix is writing a science fiction movie, but it’s going to suck because there will be no spaceships or wookies. And statements I would never ever post: Alix wants to eat, but doesn’t want to be sick. Alix has a stupid crush. Alix is depressed for no fucking reason. Alix wishes she’d had sex with someone she loved. Alix wants to quit her job and become a teacher… seriously.
I want to change my status every twenty minutes.

I don’t know why this is.

I’ve also been really friendly. Which I’m not usually. Not that I’m not friendly, just kind of anti-social. People make me nervous, so mostly I avoid them. There’s some really stupid train of logic (which ironically doesn’t actually make sense), but basically results in me not being good at talking to people and therefore not doing it. But I called some people I would normally think about calling, want to call, and then not call. Which is good but uncharacteristic.


It’s been an odd week. Good in a lot of ways. Little ways. I was creative—finished a few small art projects I’ve had hanging around for a long time. Got ribbon fries at the fair—they peeled the potato right in front of me and I jumped up and down like a little kid. Read some. Wrote some. Played the piano. A bad week in a few ways. Feeling crappy and wishing there was a fix that I could afford and/or would actually work. Kind of hating my job. Being scared for my friends. Terrified of moving—for the first time I love it here. And I don’t want to leave my friends.


I just feel a little odd.
Sigh.

Living in the Forest.

It is late. My brain is tired. My sentences will be short.

TV is strange. I miss my kitchen. And I would like to see the bear that everyone keeps telling me about.

Can't Get No...Democracy...

So....theoretically, I should have voted today. Tuesday January 15th. Michigan primary. But there was apparently a lot of failure going around.

First, I seem to have failed to request my ballot in time. It came yesterday. While I was hanging out in the woods. Nothing quite went as planned, but CMT called and I was there. I needed the money. Democracy sold for a pretty shitty day rate.

Not that it really matters except in principal. Everyone else seems to have sold out a long time ago. I can't say that I don't hold a grudge. I resent the candidates for participating in the disenfranchisement of voters. Obama and Edwards refusal to even put themselves on the ballot. Do you care more for party politics than for the voters? Let the party do what they like, but saying that any election date is more important than the political voices of every person in the entire state of Michigan is...well bollocks.

The party pisses me off. I won't get into it. It's stupid--on both sides.

But I don't see how disallowing, throwing out the vote is a suitable resolution for either group.

Here's a little background if that didn't make sense.

The Funny Version from The Detroit Free Press

The Other Still Good Version from the BBC


It probably still doesn't make sense.


I am an unhappy American.

Nail Polish.

The other day I was feeling a little melancholy and I decided to paint my toenails, because I sometimes do that when I'm sad.

And then I got an idea for a movie :)



I have not yet painted my toenails. I need to go purchase some filmstock...and some nail polish.

Brr.

Today I took a walk in the cold. It felt divine.

Also, I forgot it was the new year. Weird.

But now I've remembered so I'll talk about it. I've always thought that it comes at a strange time. It seems that New Year's should bring new things, but it never does. All the big changes seem to come at other times. I guess I struggle to see the changes at this time of year. Maybe it's from growing up in PA and Michigan--there was just as much snow and lack of sun in the new year as there was on December 31st.

I feel like I should be doing something drastic like moving. But I can't do that, so...
Maybe I should be more optimistic. That's it.

I dub 2008 'The year to make more art'.

I'll let you know how it goes :)